soap tantrums

Jesus, Heidi, that's a really ugly jacket you've got there. I mean the a guy that wears that kind of jacket is probably a woman-bashing closet alko or something. Of course the jacket "smells good", he had to get the blood and puke dry-cleaned off it. You're better off staying away from him.

I think the video is actually quite cute*. I'd like to see the narrative progress. Possibly Heidi finds herself at sauna, where she glances across and sees her mystery man exit without his trousers. Which she lovingly retrieves - and places on the shrine in her laundry. And then maybe a pair of shoes and a shirt or two (one business, one casual). The series of videos climaxes with her breaking into his apartment while she continually repeats "I'm not a stalker". We get to see the interior of his wardrobe and then we cut to a Misery-like scene where Heidi has her man** in his jacket at last - bound, gagged (maybe hobbled): "Jonathan, oh my precious Jonathan, my handsome jacketed knight, I'll have you safe forever..."

Over the weekend, the missus reminded me that soap operas started off as ads for cleaning products - with little moments of drama in between. Over 50 years, they developed into shows such as The Sopranos, Mad Men, etc - i.e. some of the finest cultural products of our time. I dunno whether these YouTube videos will have achieved something similar by 2060.

*SHM disagrees, possibly because they were caught out.
**Possibly played by Jonathan Pease himself.

making marketing interesting

A couple of jobs are coming to an end in the next few weeks and it's time to gear up into marketing / selling mode again. I don't mind selling - I definitely wouldn't say I was a "gun" salesman - provided the person wants to be sold to. So I'm going to be picking up the phone and talking to people. If you don't want to be talked to then just say that. If you don't want to talk about business then let's grab a coffee and talk about something else.

I have one request for you tho. If there's someone you think I could have an interesting conversation with then let me know. Not (necessarily) in terms of business development or doing some kind of deal. Just in terms of having an interesting conversation.

I hate competitions

Gav is publicising a competition for the Bargain Queen. Now I like Gav and Mr & Mrs Bargain Queen. But I really don't like competitions.

So here are some comments. Scattered to the wind like dandelion seeds.

• As noted, blokes really want to get this over and done with. We don't want a 20-hour immersive experience. We want our female partners to be happy. They tend to have low expectations anyway so if we meet those, job done.
• We want simple advice. No complicated decision trees or simulations.
• "If she likes this, then she'll love this too" is a fantastic starting point. And possibly ending point.
• Anything that can amplify the illusion that we made an effort is good. Some form of (non-naff) personalisation is good.
• We value but do not trust the opinions of other women. We trust but do not value the opinions of other men.
• We genuinely love these women we are buying presents for. And if we don't, at Christmas we'll lie to ourselves that we do.
• How do you make this experience fun for blokes? Possibly some kind of competition or a sports connection of some kind...

So for me, the secret agenda behind any "proposal" is not just getting a good present for someone but also "how do I understand this strange person in my life better"*?

*those of you who have pegged my relationship status as "presently single" can move straight to the top of the class.