I'm not gay. I checked when I was about 20*. All the stuff above the waist on the other person was fine but there was some extra equipment down there that seemed a little superfluous. I think the technical term may be "cock block".
Reflecting on this experience makes me wonder how difficult it must be for a closeted gay man trying to fit in. Going through the motions. Doing something that's not quite right.
For a few years I was a volunteer at the Ankali Project where I was often "token straight guy". One thing that I think separates gay men from straight men is that you have to choose who you are. Now I don't mean that people "choose" their sexuality because I don't think that's true. Rather being straight is the default option in our society. Coming out as gay requires that you set yourself apart. You have to make a choice about your identity and how you present that publically.
Beyond all that Queer Eye for the Straight Guy interior design stuff, I think that's a key lesson straight men can learn from our non-straight brethren. Understand that you own who you are and that default behaviours are not the only way of being a man.
*At the time I thought I might be uncomfortable with my sexuality. It was more a case of being uncomfortable with myself.
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Nicely put. I think there's a lot of problems in regards to male confusion between gender identity and sexual identity. Many men see them as the same thing, despite the fact that the 2 aren't the same thing at all.
I'd be inclined to say that my gender identity is more along the gay spectrum, while my sexual identity is firmly entrenched in the straight - that "Queer in the streets, straight in the sheets"-sort of thing. The number of men who can't seem to reconcile that difference is very frustrating.
Maybe because I badly struggled for quite a few years with my identity in every form, I had to ask the kind of questions you put forward. I think a lot of young men in particular struggle with the same thing, which is why the suicide rate among that demographic is so horrifying - men in particular seemed much more threatened by the questions than the answers.
Of course, all that being said, I'd totally consider turning for Anderson Cooper or Jeff Goldblum (assuming he's still alive).
Hi Ben - I'm not sure I understand what my gender identity is more along the gay spectrum, while my sexual identity is firmly entrenched in the straight means. Can you give me a few examples?
Well, this is purely from an external perspective. Or, at least my internal perspective of other people's external perspective of my external perspective, if that still make sense. Which probably means that I see it the same way myself, just back to front-ish.
I've been told I exhibit some personality characteristics that - from a societal expectations perspective - get tagged as "kind of gay". The kind of things you do or say or think out loud around "man-ly men" which leads to quizzical stares and the odd comment of "isn't that a bit ... gay?". Nothing earth shattering ("You're looking very ... colourful ... today. What are you, a liquorice all-sort?", "What do you mean you cried at the end of 'Major League'?", "You still kiss your dad? On the lips!?!"). All things that, if you're talking to someone into labelling and categorising, tend to have them tick a couple of boxes in the "Gay" column.
Of course, its only other men that tend to think that. Most women figure it out after a few seconds of difficulty of me having a conversation with their face, assuming it gets to the conversation point.
I kinda relish it (which would have to be schaudenfraude, I think), I think because I would love to be more bisexual than I am. To me, that seems like the most ... "evolved"? ... "enlightened"? ... I don't know, "better" at least ... outlook for any human being. Seperate out behaviour/ attitude/attraction/sex into the seperate yet integrated parts they are, rather than lump them into a single category.
It puts me in mind of a quote from one of my favourite Simpsons episodes:
Moe: You ever been hunting before, there, Barty?
Bart: No. Something about a bunch of guys, alone, together in the woods. Seems kinda gay.
Homer: That is a very immature attitude, young man!
All about perspective, isn't it?
^Just to interject - Kissing your dad on the lips is not weird because he's a man, it's weird because it's on the lips. It is also weird to kiss your mom on the lips. Both are weird whatever gender you are and have nothing to do with being "gay" or "straight."
Also, I do not agree at all that bisexuality is more "evolved" or "enlightened." No sexual preference is "better" than another, gay, straight, bisexual, or whatever. That's like saying it is better to like chocolate than to dislike it. Neither are good or bad, they just are. Your comment reminds me disturbingly of Christian fundamentalists who say that straight people are better than gay people.
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