lying

Sometimes I want organisations to be truthful with me. Truthful about your product actually containing what it says on the ingredients label. Truthful about transaction costs and fines. Y'know, the little things.

There's been a lot of hand-wringing over a few YouTube videos being made up. Authenticity is over-rated. I want lying on a grand scale.

I want EPIC LIES!!!

If you're going to make **** up then make it good ****. None of this p***-weak pretend romance, pretend tattoo, nonsense. Tattoos may have been big news in the 70s but get with the program, people. My gran has a swirly celtic tattoo to demonstrate her spiritual yet earthy personality and edgy cultural cred. And as for that romance chick - what is this? Has the world morphed into some late-90s chick lit novel where we're all Gemma - a 28 year-old babe with a career in publishing* who gets tipsy every night with her "absolutely mad" friends over a bottle or 8 of white wine but who secretly yearns for a Prince Charming to sweep her off her feet?

Tell me:

• How your dog food was directly responsible for the election of Barak Obama to the White House (and the CIA conspiracy that's prevented us from hearing about it).
• Why your accounting & actuarial services business will turn me from a quivering loser into a superconducting chick magnet lurve machine.
• How your suncream prevents terrorism (all brands including Islamic) and Global Financial Collapse-triggered economic ruin.
  

Put Baz Luhrmann in the shade. Have the courage of insincerity. Lie to me.

*If the imminent demise of the book (and thus the book publishing industry) leads to the collapse of literacy, the degradation of all culture and cannibalism BUT also means that there will be no more books about the lives of people in publishing, then I think that's a fair price to pay.