I second that emotion

So EngineersWithoutFears is quite an intellectual enterprise. But EwF has been pondering human emotions recently. As I recently shared with Miguel, I sometimes wonder that if I study humans for long enough, may be they'll let me be one. So this is perhaps another step towards that goal.

For all our powers of empathy and the presence of mirror neurons, the only person that feels my emotions is me. Neurologically, hormally, whatever - they happen inside me in reaction to any number of things. And yet, it seems that I often do not take ownership for these personal chemical events. "Don makes me feel happy", "Jane makes me feel angry". Now unless Jane & Don are standing behind me with big syringes filled with serotonin or something, that isn't strictly true. Don & Jane do what they do - conscious of my feelings or not. For me, the source of these feelings is a bit mysterious and a little unpredictable. And when human beings find things a bit mysterious and a little unpredictable, we tend to seek a reified source outside outselves (cf. the reasons for our existence and the claims for a god as author of same).

One response to this is the importance of mindfulness and the importance of detachment. However even if I was fully aware of this source, my control over my emotions would still be limited. Just because I can comprehend why the loss of a loved one might cause grief does not mean that the pain will be any the less intense when it hits.

Another response is simply acknowledging that our emotional responses to others are our business, not necessarily theirs. This doesn't mean letting people get away with unacceptable behaviours but it does mean us recognising that "he did something bad" and "he did something that made me feel bad" aren't always the same thing. It also means that we shouldn't let others make us take responsibility for their emotions - only for our own actions.

I also wonder if we own our ideas too much and our emotions too little. Which would imply some kind of swap is required here.

I'm only scratching the surface here so I'd appreciate some comments, criticisms & links from others to further my pondering on this. Don't worry, at no stage will I insist on a group hug.